Lulu is HOME and I am PREGNANT!

It's a miracle. I heard a little meowing outside my window this morning and I ran around the side of the house and THERE SHE WAS! She had been gone for 10 days. I missed her, but I was starting to get used to the idea of her being gone forever. If I had to sacrifice the cat for being pregnant, well, I guess it was ok. But my heart was sad underneath it all. AND TODAY SHE RETURNED!
I'm starting to let the reality that I'm actually pregnant start to settle in. Got my HCG count today and it's 10,653! Whoa. That's a big number from 510, the first reading. Next week should be my first ultrasound, but we will be away on vacation, so I guess I'll have to wait until week 7. Hope all stays well and all keeps progressing like this. Lately, I'd been seeing 222 everywhere. I checked Doreen Virtue's number meanings and 222 means to "Have Faith. The situation will resolve itself in the best way possible." I have only recently really started to tune into my angels and watch for signs- I definitely see them in the numbers. So, I am having faith. It feels good.

POSITIVE!!

WHEEEEEEEE!!!

HCG 517, Projesterone 116! What do those numbers really mean? I have no idea, but they said they are good. Going back in to make sure they double on Thursday, and again on Monday!
I really can hardly believe this is happening. And I've got a new nickname- Hot Mama. LOVE IT.

In other news- and this is sad-- my kitty has disappeared. I've had her for about 5 years. I've been letting her out (she was mostly an indoor cat) for the past month or so. She's been really good about coming home. But Thursday night, she didn't. I am trying to to get too stressed or sad because I don't want to do anything to ruin this pregnancy. BUT... I am sad. I used to hold her and call her my kitty-baby, until one day I realized that maybe I was not allowing a baby to come because I already had her. Yes, this is how my mind works. So, I thought I should start letting her go outside more- loosen the reigns. And so, I guess that's what happened. She's my first pet- and I love her so. Lulu come HOME!!!

Bittersweet is my feeling.

Unbelievable

I am still kind of not believing what I am seeing on the test result.  I didn't test again this morning- I think that would be overkill.  Just wait until the official results.  I have to say, getting the positive is really helping with my overall mood about the whole thing- I am feeling so much better and focusing more on visualizing about all of this happening smoothly, easily, and trusting my body.

My Circle and Bloom  audio guide has been wonderful.  I listen daily- it's great to have a voice in your ear telling you to relax and know exactly what to say to calm you down.  Check them out!  I am also trying to use positive pregnancy affirmations to myself to keep me going.  All of this is helping tremendously.  Here is a clip of their stuff-

A new and enjoyable way for TTC. Take control of your fertility now. from Circle + Bloom on Vimeo.

So, I'm off go gather supplies for my workshop this upcoming weekend!  Very excited about this.  It's going to be a lot of fun and we have several people signed up.  It's called Body as Art-  a combo of yoga, dance, art, and writing!  We are going to have live drumming too!  SO much fun.  This is the kind of thing I want to be doing full time!  Wheee!

I hope this is real.

I tested this morning.  After reading through quite a few blogs late last night, I thought I could test 9dp3dt.
And wow!  There it is! A BFP!  I have no idea how often people get false positives or false negatives, but this definitely puts me in a better mood.  I just hope and pray it's real!!!

Playing Catchup

I finally started this blog during my two week wait.  I had thought about it for some time, but wasn't sure I wanted to devote an entire blog to this process.  I mean, I have my professional blog that I am not even regular with, so what am I doing starting this one?

Well, I need a place to vent, I guess.  I've been looking at so many of your blogs through CycleSista and it has helped me to know that I am not alone. 

As I said I am in the 2ww- of my 2nd ivf.  The first one didn't even get to the retrieval stage because I 'broke through' the Lupron.  So, here I am- 8 days past day 3 transfer of one 'AA' 8 cell fertilized egg. 

I am waffling so much between trying to stay positive and also not getting too excited for fear of yet another let down.   Previous to this, we tried 2 IUI's both BFN's.  Waaaaaay earlier in the game, I had one early miscarriage- before we even started down this 'infertility' path. 

There is nothing technically wrong with me or my man- just age.  The diagnosis we have is "diminished ovarian reserve with mild male factor".  Such lovely wording.  

So, here I am with my fingers crossed.  Looking for some others to talk to me while we wait.  Leave me a comment and let me know you are out there, girlies.