Temporary Insanity

I am starting to go a little crazy.  For the past 4 weeks, we have had the kids- 2 boys-ages 10 and 12 almost non-stop.  Yes, it's making me wonder if I'm cut out for full-time motherhood.   And I'm probably not!  GASP!
But, it's too late now.  Ha, ha- joke's on me!  And while I'm on this topic- check out this article about women who opt for an abortion after IVF.  Whoa. No, I'm not at that point.

I guess part of the reason I'm going nuts is that it's summertime- it's hot as hell here in Florida- and I'm used to having my home be my sacred haven which has been replaced by lots of machine gun noises, video game sounds, quite a bit of whining and fighting, and whistling.  Am I doing my best to be a good disciplinarian? Yes.  Have we thought about sending them to camp?  Yes.  And they are going Tues-Thurs.  Are we keeping them busy with activities? Probably not enough.  Do they have friend's houses they can go to?   I guess most of their friends are out-of-town, and this is usually handled by their mom.

On the upside, we have had some bonding moments.  And actually, they seem to behave better for me alone when their Dad is not around.  But I assume that's a short-lived phenomenon.

So, today I feel like I'm doing a good thing and scheduling a massage for myself to calm down and relax.  I go to my studio- the kind of place where they have therapists 'on call'- tell the guy I'm 9 weeks prego, undress, lie on the table, start to relax, and wait.  And I seem to wait for a little longer than usual.  The dude comes back in and tells me that I am going to hate him.  Their studio has a policy of no massages in the first trimester.  He goes on and on explaining and apologizes while he rubs my back (which makes it even worse!).  I tell him I understand and it's ok.  I get re-dressed, re-necklace and ringed, and head out.  They apologize again and I leave.

Where am I going to go?  Hell, I don't know, I guess back home.  So, I do.  Google 'first-trimester' massage, and read some different info.  I call another place and YES, they will take me as a prenatal massage!  Yipee!  I have an appt. for later today.  THANK GOD.  And then after that, we are getting a sitter and going out for dinner.  So, I do have a little relief coming.  And to top that off, I am now sitting in my studio where I do have total peace and quiet.  Gratitude is magic.

I'm sure I'll be able to handle motherhood- with little escape routes built in, for sure.

A little scared...

So yesterday morning I went to the chiropractor.  My mom is a DC, so I have been getting adjustments most of my life.  I've not gone as regularly as I did when I was younger as a personal choice.  I believe in the benefits of chiropractic, but as someone who has been so many times, I don't feel that I need it as much anymore.

That said, my mom urged me to go.  I went without much hesitation... I say much because there is one tool I didn't want him to use on me.  As soon as I entered, I told him of my pregnancy, and he agreed to not use the 'vibracussor' (which usually feels so good, but I feared it might shake peanut loose!)  He did however, do several sacrum adjustments on the drop table.  I didn't stop him because I am so used to letting these chiros do what they need to.  I feel in retrospect like I should've SAID SOMETHING!  I am now fearful that I've done some damage or even stopped the heartbeat!  I know this fear is pretty irrational- since the adjustment wasn't violent or out of the ordinary, but it's still in my head.  So, I'm writing about it to get it OUT of my head and heart.

Next Wednesday is my first appt. with the gyno, so I'm sure there will be another ultrasound to quell my fears.  I HOPE!!!!

Praying for everything to be ok.   Goodness.

153 BPM!

Yes!  I see the peanut!  And I HEARD the heartbeat!  It's so fast!  I'm  just so excited that this is really happening.  It's finally starting to sink in.  I was looking over my journals this morning and reading myself yearning for this moment.  So frustrated with the process, feeling so defeated as the treatments became more and more agressive.  And yes, it was all worth it.  Yes, it is still all worth it.  I mean, this is only the beginning.

A few notes on the first trimester feelings-
I've been quite a bit nauseous of late, but I've stocked up on crystallized ginger, ginger brew, and found an herbal supplement with raspberry leaf and ginger called Morning Ease. Still haven't had my normal energy level, and I'm honestly not sure if some of this is related to the fact that I've done barely any physical exercise for the past 2 and a half months.  Probably, but if this nausea starts to wane, I hope to be a bit more active.  I need to be- especially since I'm going to start teaching yoga once a week next Tuesday!  It's going to be gentle/beginner with a group of women who are either moms-to-be or new moms who are turning their lives around from being homeless.  It's going to be very humbling work.

What else?  I think that's enough for this post.  I hope all of you are well and keeping the faith.  The angels are everywhere and always looking out for us.